How to have a successful summer fling
Fallen madly in love with Stavros, the hot Greek waiter? Has the pretty hostel receptionist in Madrid been giving you the eye? Truly believe you’ve met your soul-mate while playing beach volleyball in Thailand? Well, don’t go falling for your summer fling without consulting The Yorker’s guide.
The first, and arguably most important, step of making the most of your summer fling is to accept immediately that it’s temporary. You simply cannot afford to take a chunk out of your student loan in order to fly out to Croatia every weekend to continue the romance you had with that bartender. Nor will you even remember the surname of the fellow tourist you flirted with all week in a month’s time; so make it easier on yourself by not promising yourself a long lasting affair and we can all get on with our lives after the plane touches back down in England.
Use the fact that this is just a fleeting affair to your advantage. Think about it, after you get on the plane, you’re basically never going to see this person again. A few white lies to improve their memories of you won’t hurt- in fact, it’s probably kinder to present yourself as an impressive and mysterious being. No one need know you’re actually from Burnley/ have just totally lied about all those winter sporting medals. So what you’ve never actually modelled for Abercrombie and Fitch? They’ll appreciate the lie because it gives them more to brag about to their own friends. On the flip side, don’t expect them to be 100% honest, either. Juan’s real name is probably Mike, and he’s thankful you don’t actually understand Spanish because he’s been putting on an accent since you arrived in Mexico. He’s really from the Midlands and just wanted you to think he was exotic. Think about it, your memories will be fonder if you never find out that the backpacker you’ve been buying drinks for all night is already spoken for.
Do not expect your friends to be happy for you. Mostly, they’re just annoyed that you’re too busy swooning over the deeply romantic (or inappropriate) whispers in a foreign tongue your fling is providing you with to realise that you’re going to miss your connecting train. That; or they’re jealous you’ve found love in Benidorm and they haven’t. Obviously.
And the biggie. Sex. If you do plan on sealing the deal with your newfound lover, then there is one vital consideration - and that’s WHERE? The location is more important now than it ever has been for a cheeky romp. Think on the beach will be all romantic? It might well be until the local fishermen cop an eyeful. Want the privacy of your hotel room? Management banging on the door because there’s a “no unpaid guests” policy midway through could be a tad distracting. Don’t even DREAM of trying it in a hostel. Not unless you want a tonne of bleary-eyed backpackers bearing witness to the deed.
Falling in love in the romantic settings of some far flung land may well turn out to be one of the most memorable experiences of your life. In fact, it’s probably what puts that glint in elderly people’s eyes - the fond nostalgia of holding hands and sweet nothings with someone devastatingly attractive and exotic. So make the most of it this summer - and if all else fails, there’s always the locals on the revolving dance floor in Reflex to fall in love with.